Are Aspergers Syndrome (AS) and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) the same?

How do you go about forming relationships with these conditions? Do sufferers of AS and OCPD have the same difficulties?

There are some similarities in these two conditions, one of which, AS, is on the Autism Spectrum. Both are conditions that impair the sufferer’s ability to connect socially with their peers in a normal way. Sufferers do want to make friends but seem to either go about it in an unusual way, their ineptness comes across as arrogance, or they seem very shy, so they convince themselves they prefer to be alone. Actually, many do prefer to be alone most of the time and they tend to be seen as ‘geeks’ by their peers.

The severity of their condition can determine how adept they are to making friends, the Autism Spectrum is wide and varied, as are the symptoms an individual may possess.

Preferring their own company and engaging in their specialised subject is certainly where many young children with these conditions spend a lot of their time, however, as puberty hits the need for friendships becomes more apparent. The difficulties with social norms and understanding social cues become the major issue for sufferers when they seek a relationship, be it a friendship or a loving one.

It takes patience and understanding to love someone who can only love you back to a certain point, or in a different way to what is considered ‘the norm’. Sufferers are not deliberately being mean, cold or unthinking, they are simply limited by their condition as to what to feel or understand. This is where anxieties form and difficulties cause panic attacks, fear of crowded areas, sensory dysfunction and overload, as well as a general fear of public outings.

To a point, we all have autism-type traits within us, how many people fear public speaking or entering a new place on their own? You may be one who enjoys being organised or like a certain object/subject, the difference is people with neurotypical brains (normal brain function) will not be obsessed by this trait, it is not the only focus in life.

To differentiate between people who are considered ‘normal’ a therapist who is analysing someone, possibly a child, will look at the amount of time spent on their obsessional traits to determine which syndrome best describes the patient, amongst many other tests. These conditions are not easy to diagnose especially as there are many that may co-exist – ADD, ADHD, PDD, Rett Syndrome.

Once we understand what a person with autistic traits capabilities are it is then we are able to understand just how difficult it can be for these people to be ‘normal’. Marion, my friend who is married to George (see “Aspergers and its affects”), was once told something by a therapist that really helped her to understand how George’s mind worked.

“It is much easier for you to fit into George’s world than he try to fit into yours”

This statement helped Marion to understand just how ‘stuck’ George is in his way of thinking and once she took this on board and changed her expectations of their relationship, her frustrations of trying to make George understand and listen to her needs, became less of an issue in their relationship. It made for a better time all round as Marion knew not to expect certain emotions from George that his brain just hadn’t developed due to his OCPD.

Words are understood literally by both AS and OCPD sufferers so saying something like, “You are making a mountain out of a molehill” during an argument may render a response such as “Are you crazy, I don’t know how to make a mountain” raising the anxiety levels even more within the sufferer due to such an open and innocuous statement.

Also, expecting compliments or spontaneous hugs is futile. In her biography, “Pretending to be Normal*”, Liane Holliday Willey explains that to help her make changes in her behaviour due to AS she makes lists to remind her how to act. Other people make lists to remember to buy milk and bread but Liane’s lists contain reminders such as – “hold Tom’s hands for five minutes every day; squint eyes when in an overwhelming crowd, say ‘Excuse me’ instead of ‘I have to get out of here now!’, ‘count to five before replying’, hug Tom three times today”.

*Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers

It is only when we understand these limitations that a relationship with an AS or OCPD sufferer can survive.

There are many examples of how traits of AS and OCPD can be misconstrued. Some parents will explain that their child is shy and reluctant to speak when in fact their language skills are well beyond their age, they just don’t wish to speak at that moment. Similarly an AS person may be able to read from a young age quite fluently however have no sense of the meaning of the words.

When trying to form a relationship these types of traits are a hindrance, imagine trying to engage in a conversation with someone when your language skills are excellent but delivered with a robotic, monotone voice and you prefer to only discuss certain subjects, usually the one you have a great interest in. Having excellent knowledge of a subject can be a good thing as long as you don’t mention every little thing about the subject as soon as you meet someone new without allowing the other person to speak. The anxiety levels of an AS or OCPD sufferer when meeting someone new are usually very high hence the tendency to talk incessantly.

Early intervention, cognitive therapy and many other helpful resources are available to sufferers especially if they are diagnosed correctly at an early age; have understanding family and friends, as well as they themselves accepting they are different. Having AS or OCPD is not necessarily a bad thing, there are many very capable people who have these conditions and living very fruitful lives, whether they are in a relationship or not.

It is up to people with ‘normal wired brains’ to understand and assist sufferers to trust us and become our friends or partners. Love is meant to conquer all and there are worse things you can do than give someone self confidence when they struggle every day just to fit in.

Disclaimer: Medical practitioners and psychiatrists are the best people to speak to regarding conditions relating to Autism. The details in this article come from my own observations with people I know well who have these conditions, and of course, some research. As I am only an interested observer, please consult a trained professional when it comes to your health or relationships.

Aspergers and OCPD are two different disorders with some symptoms that do overlap. Anyone who suffers will be as much an individual, if not more, than the rest of us. Take Sheldon Cooper from the show "The Big Bang Theory", although a fictional character he seems to have both conditions. (See link for more information).

Just because one Aspie or OCPD sufferer has social problems doesn't mean they all do, there are many varying degrees of social interaction within the groups. For anyone concerned about a loved one who is displaying these types of traits there is help available and from the rest of us some tolerance, understanding and support will certainly help to make sufferers' lives easier and more comfortable.

People with Aspergers tend to be high achievers with very fulfilling lives who may not think to much about having relationships. Other humans simply may not interest them and to some Aspies and OCPD sufferers this is quite ok. We should all embrace each others differences as appreciate people for who they are, not what condition they may or may not have.

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