A Conversation With A Person Who Has OCPD

Conversations. We all converse every day whether at work, school or at play. Humans have an intrinsic desire to talk to other humans, to share their thoughts, ideas and opinions. These conversations take many forms and a variety of emotions will be drawn upon to continue the conversation. How we communicate with others is very important.

Having a conversation with a person who has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder can be difficult, frustrating, and at times, not worth the effort. People with OCPD have problems interacting socially so their communication skills can be impaired. The problem is, many people who suffer OCPD don't even realise they have a problem, it is usually a loved one who, through frustration, ends up finding out what is actually going on. This frustration usually stems from the conversation being very one-sided.

OCPD is a condition which has similar traits to Aspergers Syndrome however it is usually aligned with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and this happens more because of the names being similar. OCPD IS NOT OCD and even the experts seem to get it wrong. Watch the video from Psychology Australia - they mention OCPD but the graphic says "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder".

When researching this topic I find time and time again that a video or article is titled OCPD but it is invariably about OCD. OCPD is a personality disorder that a person is born with, they cannot change, in fact, they fear change and very rarely (or never) go out of their comfort zone. They can be argumentative about the most trivial things and will often not answer a question directly. Eye contact is also a problem, OCPDers find it difficult to look people in the eye.

Anxiety is a big part of OCPD, especially when they are confronted with uncomfortable situations, which can be as simple as social interaction. The personality of an OCPDer can be closed and passive, they tend to be loners and stress is a big part of their lives.

People with Aspergers Syndrome (Aspies) also have impaired social and conversation skills, they can be obsessive and have interests in obscure subjects, no different to an OCPD sufferer. Basically OCPDers and Aspies view the world in a very different way to people who do not suffer these conditions. Rarely though is OCPD aligned with Aspergers.

To set the scene let's imagine a typical suburban home where the partner has returned home from work quite late ...

"Hi, I was just about to call you, I left a message earlier. You're quite late again tonight"

"Yeh, had lots of work to do"

"Well you could have called, your dinner is now in the oven and probably dried out."

"OK."

"Is that all you have to say? What about 'sorry I was late because...'"

"Because what?"

"Andrew, you don't just come home late with no explanation. When you're in a relationship you have a responsibility to your partner."

"I was at work, not lazing about somewhere. You knew where I was."

"Did I? It's 9pm, anything could have happened, you're normally home by 6.30."

"Nothing happened, I'm home aren't I? Anyway I was home earlier last night."

"Nothing happening is not the point, and 8pm is still late! I was worried and you're not even prepared to say sorry."

"Sorry for what, I was at work not lazing at the pub or something. I work hard for both of us."

"I work too but there has to be a balance in life, you can't work all the time."

"I don't work all the time, I'm home now."

"Well when you are home you're working anyway. How about spending some time with me, I'm your partner remember?"

"I'm here now, what do you want?"

"I don't want anything in particular, just some time with you."

"Elaine I don't understand, I work hard and then come home to this. Just leave me alone."

"All I wanted was a phone call to let me know you would be late, is that too much to ask?"

"When I'm busy I don't think about anything but work."

"Oh you are impossible to talk to. I'm going to bed!"

The above is a fictional conversation but can be typical of a partner speaking to an OCPD partner where the point of the conversation just doesn't get through to the sufferer. People with OCPD do have impaired social skills and tend not to take responsibility for their actions when in a relationship.

These issues, which do start off being minor, can escalate into huge marital and relationship problems as the relationship develops. Notice how the OCPDer's answers are short and not really answering the question. Andrew has no idea what Elaine is complaining about because in his mind he is doing the right thing for both of them by working hard.

Being a hard worker is not necessarily a bad thing but if the long hours affect your relationship then a balance needs to be reached. With someone who suffers OCPD being a hard worker is a priority so relationships do tend to suffer.

The traits for someone with Aspergers Syndrome (Aspies) are similar to those who have OCPD but one of the main differences I have observed with Aspies is they tend to know they are different. Many embrace these differences and are very successful in their lives.

People who suffer OCPD may not even know they have a problem and even when told they do, they will dispute the fact. Some OCPDers will accuse the other person of having the problem because how can they have a problem when they always strive to do things right?

OCPDers can come across as arrogant and at time malicious, especially when they are trying to force their ideals onto others. This is by no means intentional, they truly have no malice, it is just that they believe their way is the only way of doing something and it won't be finished correctly unless they do it themselves. The irony is OCPDers concentrate so much on small, insignificant details they very rarely finish any task, especially if it is a large or long term project.

OCPD can impact quite negatively on a person's quality of life. If you suspect a loved one has this condition it would be a good idea to seek help for them, even if they refuse it.

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